Sunday, September 14, 2008

Thursday, 14 September 2006

What a day. What a rollercoaster. Spent the day with dad. He fought all day, struggling with his breath. Aunty Kath and Uncle Brian spent a few hours with us. At about 5, 6ish Dad stopped breathing twice. His heart was still going strong though. We all sat around dad and told him that we were ready, he could let go, we love him, we are proud of him. We all cried and cried. He was struggling to breathe, and his breathe would stop, and he would open his eyes and see mom and gasp for air. He was staying strong for us. Then we went out for them to get dad ready for bed, the old ladies went back in and we stayed and chatted to the son and daughter of the bad lung lady. As the ladies left, mom walked them out and then Brad and Georgie went in. Dad was alone for a few moments and I think he took the chance. His heart rate dropped immediately and Georgie ran to get us. His heart stopped and we desperately sent Shaun to find mom. Dad kept his heart beating until mom arrived and then it was over. So quickly. He was too proud to let us see him give up. I remember saying, Thank you dad, thank you for everything! It was over so fast and I am so glad.
Dad is finally resting, he is flying without wings. Free from his body, free from pain and heartache and suffering. I am so happy for my dad. I too can rest easy now. I cannot comprehend how difficult life will be without my dad. It is all very surreal.
He is still so much a part of us and our lives, things are going to be too quiet. We really got on dad, didn't we? Despite our differences, I really enjoyed the time we spent together. Wasn't I lucky? I felt a special bond to you dad, but I think we all bonded to you for different reasons. I have never experienced anything quite like this and I don't quite know what is next. I can only thank the Lord above that all of us had time to prepare. It was so difficult seeing dad fighting, so, so strong. He just kept going, where he found the strength I will never know. But to know how sick his body was too, made it all so difficult to watch. For the end to be so drawn out.

Rest in peace my dad. We love you.
Enjoy paradise!

We are so tired, we are finished.

My brothers friend Shaun was kind enough to bring us dinner. We sat and ate in the waiting room with a brother and sister whose mother was in ICU too. She had severe lung problems and was unable to breath. We shared stories of ICU.
My dad absolutely hated being on a ventilator. And so he fought for every last breath and eventually it was his heart that gave out. And he was too proud to give up on us. He waited for a quiet moment when we had left him alone. He was too proud.
Death is a very strange and unsentimental. Immediately after my dad moved on, I could feel that he was no longer there and felt no attachment to his body, which didn't look like him either anymore.
We all felt a tiny bit of relief, we could exhale after so long, Dad would finally be okay. It was certain.

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